


Carmilla's secret

by FANGIRL_SHIPPER_NERD185



Series: Carmilla's Secrets and Stories [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, F/F, I AM SORRY, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4871950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FANGIRL_SHIPPER_NERD185/pseuds/FANGIRL_SHIPPER_NERD185
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla had been fighting with her inner demons for as long as she could remember. One night, she gets help.<br/>It's not very good, sorry, but I thought it up and wanted to write it. I hope you understand. And if you need help, no matter what, someone cares for you. You matter, and please don't forget that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carmilla's secret

“Hey, Carm, I’m gonna have to go to work. My shift is 7pm-10:30. I’ll see you!”, Laura Hollis said into her phone receiver. Her raven haired roommate, Carmilla Karnstein, responded, “Sure thing, Cupcake. I’ll probably be in bed when you get home. See ya.” Laura closed her phone, thinking of how Carmilla had seemed down lately. She thought it was just the monthly visit at first, but then she realized that something else must have been going on. Even Carmilla’s style had changed. Instead of her usual ripped jeans and t-shirt, she was wearing long sleeved shirts, was careful to hide her stomach, and wore long pants with no holes in them. She was worried, but figured that Carm was getting cold. Winter was coming after all. At least she hoped.  
Back at the small two bed dorm room, Carmilla was busy. She had an old friend, one that had not really been around for a while before the entire business with Laura fucking Hollis. Carmilla knew that falling in love with a human was a bad idea. And after defeating the Dean, she knew that this friend would come around more often. She couldn’t put it off. Her old friend had a name. And many knew it. Depression. Even when Carmilla was human, she suffered. She first dragged a blade against her own skin when she was 11. She was wealthy, sure. But her father never cared for her, and her biological mother was absent. She knew the harshness that she would have over her life, but then death came. Or so she thought. That turned out worse.  
But these thoughts leapt across her mind in a broad second, her desperate searching for a small box that not even her best friend and sister knew about keeping them away. “Do it.” She tried to focus. “Do it.” This was normal. The little voice inside her head. “Do it. Do it.” But then an all too familiar voice shouted up from within her mind, “Carmilla, Baby, please. Don’t do this. “ Carmilla whipped her head around, wondering, “Is she back?” But the closed door proved otherwise. She took out a small silver razor from her tin. “Please, Please Carmilla. Don’t do this. I love you.” Again Carmilla turned. Nothing. She looked back down to her razor, and pushed it to her skin. A small red drop came out from beneath the thin metallic blade.  
“PLEASE!”  
Carmilla let a small tear shed. She knew that voice. But she also knew that the owner was nowhere near. Deeper and deeper, over and over, until the pain that had come from her own mind had settled. She looked down at her arms, still dripping red onto the towel that she had put on her lap. She had many more, covering her torso and her legs. She had hid it all from everyone, including Laura. That had not been easy. She knew that Laura was scared to hurt her, but Carmilla was even more scared of hurting Laura. So she had prevented Laura from knowing her pain. Sex was not a problem, both of them were too nervous of not fulfilling the other to even attempt anything. But there were moments where they were kissing, Carmilla could smell how much Laura wanted her, and she almost gave it. But then she remembered, “I’m already a freak. Why would she date me if she knew I did this to myself?” She went into the bathroom to wash her arm. Then she heard a sound that she knew was real. The door opened.  
Opening the door to their room, Laura shouted, “Hey! I got out of work early! No customers. Carm?” “Don’t come in here! I accidentally didn’t close the door!”, Carmilla yelled from the bathroom. “I’ll close it!” The smaller woman chuckled from the kitchenette. But when she turned the corner into the bathroom, her smile faded. “Oh my God…” She whispered. Carmilla, her arm still in the sink-water, didn’t know what to do. She choked out a small, “I can explain.”, but Laura was already in the medicine cabinet, grabbing bandages and medical tape. “Carmilla, you don’t need to explain right now. Right now I need you to hold out your arms.” Carmilla did so, dumbfounded. She thought that Laura would scream at her, call her a monster, something. But she was...taking care of her. This was not what the woman-cat expected. She could only stare, breathlessly, at the woman who was carefully bandaging her arms, and wearing a worried look on her adorable face. The woman who she was in love with.  
After Laura carefully covered Carmilla’s arms, she sat her on her bed. “You don’t have to speak. But if you do, I’m here.” Carmilla felt tears welling up inside her eyes. No one had ever cared for her. Such small words, and yet they carried so much for Carmilla. She told Laura everything. About her past. Her father. Her Mother. Her death. Her rebirth. Her sisters and brothers. Ellie. The coffin. And finally, with one deep breath, she quietly shook out, “And I love you. You are so much more than just a small college girl. I love you…” She broke down crying. Laura held her, and softly whispered to her, “I’m here, my love. I love you so much. I will help you whenever I can. Carmilla felt so weak, so vulnerable being held to Laura’s chest, but she didn’t care. She finally felt like she belonged. She would be okay. Laura kissed the top of her head, and Carmilla knew, right then, that as long as she could, Laura would help, and guide her to a place where her demons dare not enter. Laura Hollis, the love of Carmilla's long life, would give her hope and strength. And with that, she would be forever grateful.


End file.
